FAMILY AND COUPLES THERAPY
How do we manage changes in family dynamics?
Maybe you aren’t headed home at all, but to a family member’s home. You feel like a guest, a visitor. Sometimes you feel like an intruder. If you have returned to your parent's care you may feel stripped of the dignity and respect of adulthood. If you’re staying with your grown child you may feel like you should be the one providing the care. If you hire a caregiver, some care will still fall on family, even if it is just someone to stay home with you, and maybe this makes you feel like a burden.
Attending therapy as a family can be helpful. Family therapy helps people with SCI and their caregivers by providing a structured environment to improve communication, strengthen family cohesion, teach practical problem-solving skills, and reduce emotional distress and caregiver burden.
“Moving in with my daughter and grand kids was hard because I missed my own space and didn’t want to take up hers. Thankfully I’m able to have caregivers do most everything when it comes to my care, but sometimes I need help at night. My daughter is wonderful and I love being around the kids. It can be stressful though. It’s a lot of work for them to include me in things sometimes. I’ve learned to be OK with not doing everything.” Brenda, C5-6
“I lived with my parents, and my mother was my main caregiver, until they both passed away. For the first six years following my mother’s death, I would spend the week days and nights at home with a paid caregiver during the day and one of my sisters with me at night. Then I would swap out going to one of my sisters’ homes for the weekend. For the last six years, I’ve been able to stay at home full-time with the help of caregivers.” Tiffany, C5-6
“I went home after my injury and moved a caregiver in. She was the first of many. Being home was hard at first because I couldn’t get around the house until we did some remodeling. I get frustrated that I can’t clean and organize it like I want to and even though I can’t really afford it I started paying for that to be done, too. It’s my house even if I can’t touch anything in it!” Jessie, C5
Many therapists specialize in couples therapy. Successful marriages and partnerships post paralysis are those where communication is open, gratitude and empathy are expressed, and outside assistance is acquired. Many relationships withstand the test of SCI. Others do not, opening the door for new love connections. Recognizing your value and what you bring to a relationship will be important.
A therapist can help you to navigate the challenges of an interabled partnership just like they would help to able-bodied individuals to connect. They will focus on cognitive behavioral strategies. They can teach you to help one another to feel heard, appreciated and able to recognize one another's love language.